The Farm -- Part 1

Flog Entry 1 -- My Recovery Story -- The Farm (Part 1) -- 3/14/2009 -- 7:46 pm

I rolled up to the farm today.

Landed in Nashville airport about 4:30 pm and met 'The Farmers' who drove me into Kentucky. We didn't get to The Farm until 7pm or so, but we did stop for dinner -- their treat.

As I was riding, watching the country-side, and making conversation, my mind grasped for comparisons in my surroundings to things I had recently left. That cluster of trees is like upstate NY, this restaurant reminds me of this time in the city when...

'The Farmers' are a husband and wife team and they know their shit.... at least compared to me. The task ahead is daunting. At the moment I feel like I've read a novel with every other line crossed out and asked to summarize. I can do it, no problem, but can I do it well?

The Farm itself is not what I was expecting. It is smaller than I thought it would be, and the pictures on their website were obviously taken awhile ago; all seems to be well and in order. But I have yet to have the farm tour.

As I sit here, writing this, the reality of my new situation is setting in. For the first time in my life I feel I am truly alone. The airstream trailer, which is my new space, seems as far removed from civilization as the cloud sending rain drops to pitter patter on my roof.

A drop escapes from my eye every so often as well, but, in my defence, it is a dusty trailer.

Kidding aside, I am worried I made the wrong choice, guilty about leaving my friends, and scared I will never be able to reclaim the life I once had. But at the same time I have got to see this through. It is for the people I left behind I am doing this; it is for my brothers.

As silly as this sounds: this is my recovery story. Before I left I would joke about why I wanted to do this. I would say something like 'e'rybodies got to eat!' or, 'if the economy does collapse all I'll need is a spot of land.' Now that I am actually here my joke reasons, ironically, are what makes this hole in my gut and crack in my heart bearable. Sorry for being melodramatic, but god damn. It's only my first night and I miss you guys. I miss my family, I miss the city.

It will get better -- I know, I know. I'll get into a rhythm. Get to knows the The Farmers better -- that will make things easier.

This is me. This is me on The Farm. This is me on The Farm learning. This is me on The Farm learning to fight invisible enemies.

Don't forget about me NYC. Don't fall under the the sea while I am gone. Please, please wait for me.... cause I'll be back.

This is my recovery story. I gave up NYC, a job in the music industry, and the happiest time of my life, for a dream and a just in case. What if... what a journey for a what if...